⛲ Selfish, Selfless and Self Love
Sunday Scoop #19 - This week, I share with you an analogy that breaks down the difference between selfish, selfless and self love. Follow me along as I tell you why and how I disagree with it.
Hey friends,
Last week, I came across a random video about selfish, selfless and self love. Here is how they broke it down.
Let water symbolise everything that brings value to your life. (Money, influence, friends etc). And let’s continue to say that we are all born into this world with a cup to fill this water.
Now, each one of us have cups around us which symbolises people in our lives and the water in our cups can be transferred.
One who is selfish would not be content with his share of water. He or she would let greed take control and would try to steal water from the cups around him or her.
One who is selfless would puncture holes at the base of his or her cup so that whatever water that flows into his or her cup would be redirected to flow to other cups around the cup.
One who practices self love would allow the water to fill up his or her cup to the brim without puncturing holes nor stealing water from others. Then, he would allow it to overflow and fill the cups around him or her.
🔍 Further Thoughts
At first glance, this resonates quite well with our confirmation bias. We have to love ourselves before loving others. This is the whole modern spiel that we see trending on social media, right? It’s always so empowering to see these type of self-love reminders.
Upon further pondering however, I think the analogy that I’ve just presented to you is just a bit too simplistic, at least for me.
It is all well and good to remind ourselves that we cannot be greedy and seek a one-way relationship with people in our lives, building connections just to gain value and never to give. (P.S. - Never, ever do this. A man who goes about life with the sole purpose of gaining and never giving will always end up the emptiest) It’s established that we mustn’t, shouldn’t and needn’t be greedy.
Then, we are also reminded that there is no need to be over enthusiastic about helping others to the point where it detriments ourselves. We shouldn’t put ourselves in a position to lose just to help others. It is better to take care of ourselves first so that we can take care of others. In this analogy, we should allow our cup to be full first, so that the overflowing portion can go to others. A win-win.
Okay, fair point.
Now, here is what is giving me the gripes.
Will our cup remain the same size throughout our lives?
Remember in your primary school days when having 10 bucks in your wallet makes you feel like Scrooge McDuck?
Then, you went to Secondary School and your were given a pocket money raise. This meant that you can afford more things. Your water flow from the tap has increased and of course, your desires with it. Now, 10 bucks just seem a bit less significant, does it not?
This continues throughout the years. As your allowance/earnings increases, so does your desires. Enough never seems enough. Our cup somehow finds a way to fit more water. There is never much water that’ll flow past the brim, if ever.
The thing I’m getting at here is that we mustn’t fall into the old trap of thinking:
“Although I really want to help abc, I can’t do so now because I still don’t have enough for myself. However, once I get pqr, then I’ll definitely do xyz to help abc.”
It doesn’t work that way. At any given stage in your life, you’ll always be able to provide value. Even babies can do so when they smile and brighten up everyone’s day. Find the value you can provide.
You may think, isn’t this the same as puncturing holes in your cup? No, its not.
Giving value will, in most cases, bring value to yourself. Through serendipities or through intentional connections. In the rare cases that it doesn’t, seek to see the value in providing value. This way, your cup will always be full.
With that said, I hope that your this fun little analogy would add some value to your life in some shape, way, or form.
Have a great week ahead and see you in the next issue of Sunday Scoop!
Jia Shing.
Link
🎧 Podcast - For the past week or so, I’ve been doing some intensive essay writing and didn’t have much time for podcasts and audiobooks. Hence, I reached out on my Instagram for some podcast episode recommendations for today’s newsletter issue. Here is this week’s podcast recommendation.
📚 Book - Austin Kleon did it again with Steal Like An Artist. In barely 70 pages, it is the my second most highlighted book. I’ll be posting my book notes on it next week but for now, click on the button below to get the book for yourself!
💬Quote - Here is a quote from Steal Like An Artist. Resurfaced by Readwise.
Question
Have you changed the size of your cup instead of helping someone else?
Tweet of the Week
Just imagine 29 hours of this iconic voice narrating one of the most eventful presidencies. Currently torn between reading or listening to the book first. Life is so unfair.My memoir, A Promised Land, is out today. I hope you’ll read it. My goal was to give you some insight into the events and people that shaped me during the early years of my presidency. Most of all, I hope it inspires you to see yourself playing a role in shaping a better world. https://t.co/hdZysCpCN9Barack Obama @BarackObamaEnjoyed this issue?
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